Over the last few months, I had the incredible opportunity to be an intern with The Heritage Foundation, working in their media and PR department. My daily tasks included tracking all of our organization’s media appearances including broadcast, radio, and print, fact checking, putting together media reports, press contact research, and any miscellaneous tasks that the PR team needed.
There were many highs and lows this summer, and to talk about each of them would take hours. Therefore, I will stick to the most prominent lessons that grew me and have inspired me as I look to my last year in college.
Fighting Thoughts
Within the first week of the summer, I was hit hard with imposter syndrome. When I looked around me, I saw incredible peers who were so smart, so knowledgeable, and had done so much with their lives already. Staying outside of the comparison game proved to be one of the most difficult things I would do all summer.
Within the first two weeks, I felt behind. I was not as well read as my fellow interns, and I desperately wanted to “catch up” so that my knowledge could be on par with theirs.
After the first two weeks, I had the chance to meet with Giancarlo Canaparo, a legal expert at the Heritage Foundation. After we chatted about law school and my aspirations to possibly become an attorney, I asked him if he had any books he could recommend for me that could kickstart my intellectual journey.
He looked at me, put his hand to his chin, and just sat there thinking for a few moments. Then he said the most simple statement, “Don’t chase after knowledge just because other people have it.”
This simple declaration ended up being one of the most influential parts of my entire summer. I didn’t realize that I was chasing after knowledge only because I did not have it in the same way that my peers did. Since that moment, a burden was lifted off of my shoulders. I did not have to read something just because some other smart person did. I could read something because I feel drawn to it.
This rather remedial concept was honestly just what I needed to hear. Intellectuals do not chase after that which they do not have. They chase after that which they want to learn, for the sake of learning alone.
My Story
This initial realization grew to a much bigger “aha moment” as I went on with my summer.
Sure, I could come to terms with the fact that I could take my time simply learning and growing as a student of political philosophy and history. But something that was harder to come to terms with was the fact that I was not already there yet.
Out of all of my peers, why was I the one who knew the least? Why had I not been preparing myself for this moment? Was I lazy? Was I a loser?
This internal struggle taught me two things:
First, intelligence and knowledge are not the same thing. You can be extremely smart and just not know a lot. In the same way, you can have all the talking points down pat, but have absolutely no idea what they mean in practice. You do not need to doubt your intelligence just because your level of knowledge is not the same as someone else’s.
Second, I needed to see that just because my story is not the same as my peers’, that doesn’t mean it is any less amazing. It doesn’t mean that my future is less bright.
I had to understand that there really is no such thing as being a “late bloomer” or “being behind.” Life is not linear. There is not right way to do it, because life is different for everyone. God’s plan for your friend may not be what he has in store for you. There is nothing wrong with being on a different timetable than everybody else. It is not even our timetable, after all.
Falling In Love With The Chase
As I stopped stressing over the books that I read or the subjects that I knew about, I started enjoying the journey of learning. I started to be thankful that my eyes were opened to just how much I don’t know. I have no laurels to rest on, and that is the best motivation fuel you can ask for.
As someone who did not grow up as a lover of reading, the idea of taking on long books about history or public policy used to terrify me. Now, I see them as a goal of conquest. I am excited to crack open their pages and see what I can glean. I am falling in love with the pursuit of knowledge. This is not something I have ever been able to say truthfully before.
People often see the time I dedicate to my schoolwork and grades and think that I must love everything about academia. Sure, I do enjoy school, but what I really enjoy are the grades. I enjoy getting a reward for my work. It was all extrinsic motivation.
Since my experience this summer, I have become intrinsically motivated. I now see the value of private study. The value of work that has no reward except for the knowledge it leaves you with.
It Was a Grand Time
I am so thankful to The Heritage Foundation for taking a chance on me. For giving me the opportunity to spread my wings. For opening my eyes to the vast sea of information and possibilities out there. For answering my questions and for giving me new ones to wrestle with.
I took every moment given to me and squeezed every ounce of experience and wisdom out of it. Even with every dark moment where it seemed as though I did not belong or that I was not cut out for the life I dream of, I did not leave this summer empty handed.
I think that the OneRepublic song describes it best:
I owned every second that this world could give I saw so many places The things that I did Yeah with every broken bone I swear I lived
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